Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this brain-dead love doll?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I have been in a relationship with "Ben" for 13 years, but I have been to his parents' home only twice. I really love him. We never go anywhere or do anything together. He has never given me a gift for any occasion or "just because." Material things don't matter to me, but if he thought to get me something, it would make me feel he cares. Ben is always gone, and I'm always alone. He is very selfish. How can I help him understand that I have feelings and I matter as much as he does? -- MISSING SOMETHING IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MISSING SOMETHING IN MISSISSIPPI: You sound like you might have a misunderstanding of what a relationship is, perhaps you have a brain tumor or you are just the dumbest broad that has ever written to me.  I had a very similar relationship with a blow-up sex doll, never took her anywhere, never bought her anything. I did bring her to my parent’s house but they felt she was too introverted to be in a relationship with someone like me. They were were right, I deflated her when we got home. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com