Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this Cunt-Chocula?

DEAR MIKE CARES: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He made a resolution to go on a diet and cut out sweets. However, I have noticed that my chocolates have been going missing. We live alone, and I'm not sure whether to call him out to help keep him accountable or remain quiet in order to keep the peace. -- WELL-MEANING WIFE

DEAR WELL-MEANING WIFE: Well, Cunt-Chocula, it sounds like his “resolution” means you have decided only you can eat chocolates, he's not allowed. I believe you may be experiencing NonCompliantPussyWhippedItis.  This is when a husband does the opposite of what a controlling wife demands from him. I’m sure the moment he steps out of the man-prison you have him serving time in he buys lots of chocolates, drinks many beers, watches many ball games, and hits on any broad who doesn’t treat him like a chocolate stealing cock-tucking half whit with an expanding waistline. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) For more honest advice, email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com