Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this egg wielding nit-wit?

DEAR MIKE CARES: My husband and I have been married for two years, together for five. He's a wonderful man I love dearly. I always felt called to be a mother, and he has expressed the same about being a father. He would be an incredible father, and I'd love nothing more than to raise children with him. The conflict is that, over the past year or so, I have learned much more about pregnancy and childbirth and what they can put the mother through emotionally and physically. A number of my friends who have given birth recently had serious complications. After learning all this information, I'm terrified of being pregnant. So many things can go wrong, and I have a chronic illness that likely will be exacerbated by pregnancy. I also question the ethics of bringing a child into this world, knowing how horrible a place it is, and there are so many children who need a home already, but that's minor compared to my fear of health issues. My husband does not want to adopt our first child unless we are unable to conceive or I am unable to carry the child, but he's open to adopting after we've tried for one of our own. Adoption or surrogacy isn't financially feasible for us anyway. I don't know how to tell him I don't want to carry a child -- ever. We are a little older, so my biological clock is ticking. How can I get over my terror to give us something we both deeply want? -- TERRIFIED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TERRIFIED IN PENNSYLVANIA: I think you are terrified because you’re fascinatingly stupid. Also, thankfully, you are doing the planet a favor by not fertilizing your obviously scrambled eggs. Had you finished the 8th grade you would have learned that yes, there can be complications during pregnancy and birth, but everyone from crack whores to Congolese bush-wives give birth every day adding to the more than 100 million babies born globally each year, most of whom will grow up to be smarter than you. As the world does not need more humans out there with less than 46 chromosomes, have your husband find a new wife. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com