Dear Mike Cares what advice would you give this holy rolling pussy misser?

DEAR MIKE CARES: My cat recently passed away, and it has devastated me. He was my emotional support during some of the hardest times of my life -- relationships ending, moving to different states, deaths in my family, lonely nights battling depression. My cat was my one constant source of peace and companionship. I miss him dearly.

When I mentioned to some friends that I'm looking forward to reuniting with him one day in the "hereafter," a religious friend scoffed and laughed. She then proceeded to tell me cats do not have souls and I shouldn't get my hopes up of ever seeing him again. I managed a small shrug and changed the subject, but on the drive home I was depressed, thinking about what she'd said. Upon further research, I found that, according to Catholicism, she was correct, and animals do not have souls, which has made me heartbroken all over again. Should I consult a religious adviser or continue believing I'll see my cat again? I have to think that people who have no friends or family but do have beloved pets will be reunited with them. Lots of times, our pets are the only family we have. -- MISSING MY CAT IN GEORGIA

DEAR MISSING MY CAT IN GEORGIA: I really can’t speak to the “hereafter,” but I can speak to science.  Your cat is decomposing somewhere and is now being eaten by bugs and is just a pile of separated bones and maybe some remains of hair.  But, you sound like a nut-job cat-lady, so perhaps you maxed out your credit card to pay your vet for the “full monty” cat funeral and cremation ceremony. Bad News: I imagine your kitty ashes sit on the dashboard of your 2005 Hyundai and obstruct your view of the road which will lead to a fatal car crash. Good News: you and pussums will finally meet in the “hereafter,” which in this case means tangled in glass and metal while an overweight trooper belches his BigGulp asking what in tarnation them ashes is.” Either way, this is nothing short of a Cat-tasrophe. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com