Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this romance seeking half-dead geezer?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I am elderly and stuck in a miserable marriage. The romance is long gone. We live as roommates. If I were to die tomorrow, I don't think anyone would miss me. I'm partially disabled, and it is difficult for me to get out on my own. Must I accept life as it is, or should I kick his butt out? -- HOPELESS IN TEXAS

DEAR HOEPLESS IN TEXAS: Listen up granny I don’t know what partially disabled means, but in your case, I’m thinking your brain has shriveled up and may have frozen in time. The Equal Rights Amendment was ratified in 1972 when you were probably middle-aged, losing your figure, and started slurping down Whiskey Sours with every meal. So you can’t just kick “his butt out” no more than he can kick you out. Where are you going anyway, out to find a new man to start a new romance with? Nobody over 70 is scanning dating apps seeking a disabled, diaper wearing, geriatric alcoholic stuck in a bad marriage, because that describes most everyone over 70 and would probably crash the internet. Accept life as it is, yours is almost over. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) For more honest advice, email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com