Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this wife of a robe wearing phallic-flopper?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I returned from an errand this morning, and my husband was across the street from our house wearing only a robe, naked underneath and talking to the wife of our neighbor. I'm fuming because I feel it was totally disrespectful to me as well as inappropriate, and he should have dressed himself first. What do you think? -- MORTIFIED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR MORTIFIED IN ARKANSAS: I assume since you are from Arkansas your husband is a bloated redneck with zero sex appeal, so I would not assume he is playing hide the salami with the neighbor.  On the other hand, if your husband is not an inbred pig-fucker and the neighbor is under 250 lbs., then he was simply borrowing a cup of sugar using the old “oops my robe opened, and my dick spilled out” trick.  As to whether he should have dressed himself before heading over to bang the bajeezuss out of the neighbor, I agree that is totally inappropriate. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) For more honest advice, email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com